Jeff Foxworthy QuotesThis is a featured page

Jeff Foxworthy
  • “[Watching a baby being born] is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.”
  • “The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.”
  • “If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.”
  • "Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother -- you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.”
  • "I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.”
  • “You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!”
  • “Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.”
  • "I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living, ... I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.”
  • "Jeff puts his relationship first and foremost and realizes I do the same, so he really watches out for me and makes sure I don't have to do anything on the show that would upset David. I was warned when I started a sketch comedy show that they could be cutthroat, but it's been like a family.”
  • "If men have a smell it's usually an accident.”


Check out other great comic quotes.



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